It is very sad that the slant placed on the Joni Mitchell adoption reunion by your paper should be so negative. (Mitchell daughter troubled, April 12, 1998).

It proves once again the complete lack of understanding about the reunion process and its aftermath effects.

Adoption reunions have normal development stages.

These development stages reflect the adjustments required by any major structural change to the existing family dynamic.

Birth, marriage, divorce and death are normal examples of fundamental alterations.

The changes brought about by adoption reunion can, in fact, be profound.

Two families must completely shift their structure to accommodate the new connections and relations involved in the reunion.

There are often growing pains. It is normal to feel stressed.

It is normal to have strained relationships for a while.

It is normal to feel confused. But it passes.

It seems that we are only too ready to feast on the gory details of people's private lives.

We delight in the hunt for missing family members and in their shocked reactions at being found.

But the minute they behave normally and have some problems, we are only too ready to point fingers, wag our heads and say, "Tut-tut."

It is as though we want to say, "I told you so, I just knew you would fail."

Joni Mitchell's reunion is no more "flawed" than life is "flawed."

Ms. Mitchell's post-reunion experiences and those of her daughter are normal.

In time and with knowledgeable support, Joni Mitchell and her daughter will reach a state of comfort where they can go on with their lives.

What is needed is more research and understanding for this emotionally charged and opinion-riddled subject.

What is not needed are more negative articles that perpetuate out-dated myths.

New adoption thought affirms that the truth is better than fantasies and lies.

Monica Byrne
Registrar
Parent Finders,
National Capital Region