Of Joni And The Junos

by Craig Silliphant
PlanetS
January 4, 2007

DOES SASKATOON'S OBSESSIVE LOVE FOR JONI MITCHELL SPELL DISASTER FOR JUNOFEST?

"I think it was a really sweet event, but it was overwhelming. Sometimes it was like The Day of the Locust . . . I was pinned in and I couldn't get to my parents. There were people there whom I hadn't seen for 20, maybe 40 years, but I couldn't get through the mob." Joni Mitchell (regarding having to be whisked away from the crowd at the Saskatoon opening of "Voices" at the Mendel Art Gallery)

With Juno fever all set to hit Saskatoon, it might be a good idea to sort out a few things before the madness takes hold. Now, we all know that if we do a great job of boosting our beautiful city and making our Juno visitors feel welcome, it will help Saskatoon garner a reputation as a friendly, cosmopolitan centre, on the "A-list" for future events. What we may not realize, though, is that our relative isolation from the rest of the universe often causes us to lose perspective.

To put it bluntly, there's a well-meaning but excitable segment of the population who are at risk of making an embarrassing scene in the face of visiting celebrities and Juno dignitaries. This poses a significant problem - because if we can't be calm and collected during JunoFest, we might as well just resign ourselves to being the least cool city in Canada. And no one wants to party with a city full of wieners.

You're collectively looking at me with big puppy dog eyes asking, "Why are you telling us this? We're cool."

But are you? Are you really?

Well, how about one particularly egregious example that would suggest the answer is, unfortunately, not always? I had hoped I wouldn't have to expose this jarring truth, but for the good of the city, I'll do whatever it takes. The painful reality is - Saskatoon is stalking Juno Hall of Famer Joni Mitchell.

Uh oh. The puppy dog eyes are turning to uncomfortable glances. Yes, it's true. There are facts that "They" don't want you to know about, creating a conspiracy of misinformation that has pushed us past the brink of obsession.

"But we love Joni," you say. "She belongs to us!"

Sorry - that's like, the mantra of all stalkers.

"But she's from Saskatoon!" you counter, which is a perfect segue to the very truth that "They" don't want you to know: Joni Mitchell isn't from Saskatoon at all.

Here's the rub: Mitchell was born Roberta Joan Anderson in Fort Macleod, Alberta, in 1943. She was raised there for almost a decade, until her family moved to Maidstone, North Battleford, and eventually to Saskatoon. Anderson went to Aden Bowman and then promptly left Saskatoon to attend art school in Calgary. After a year, she moved to Toronto to begin her music career, where she married a musician named Chuck Mitchell. Anderson took his last name, and thus, Joni Mitchell was born.

It's true Ms. Mitchell has frequently visited Saskatoon over the years to see her parents. In fact, I literally bumped into her myself in The Bess once. And she has indeed said that she considers the prairie an important part of her upbringing. But we have taken our pride in the fact that this incredible and influential woman spent a small amount of her life in our city way too far, to the point of obsessive mania.

We held a show at the Mendel Art Gallery called The Amazing Childhood of Joni Mitchell. It featured everything from old report cards and drawings, to stranger items like her prom dress, and - perhaps most unbelievably - a lock of her hair! If that doesn't sound like the Hollywood movie cliché of the stalker's creepy shrine, then I don't know what does.

The infatuation doesn't end at drooling while stroking locks of Ms. Mitchell's hair. We have an edifice on the U of S campus called the Joni Mitchell Building; Greystone Theatre performed a version of the musical Joni Mitchell: Songs of a Prairie Girl; there have been a smattering of plans for a bench with a statue of Mitchell called Joni Mitchell: Beside Herself; there's a drink at the Second Avenue Grill called Joni's First Juno; there's been talk of a Joni Mitchell International Music Festival, as well as a Joni Mitchell Café at the Mendel. Speaking of which, did you know that we allowed Mitchell to smoke at the Mendel during the exhibition of her own paintings in 2000? Though we later alienated many citizens and businesses with the smoking ban for the excellent cause of health safety, we just couldn't say no to Joni. It's okay, Joni - we absolutely love your second hand smoke!

None of this is even the worst of it. There have also been not one, but two tentative plans put in motion for permanent places of pilgrimage, including a proposed Joni Mitchell Discovery Centre (whatever the hell that is) on the new River Landing, and another Joni Mitchell Centre at the Mendel. The Discovery Centre is purported to be up to 2,500 square feet in size, so apparently people are sleeping in our streets while we're building temples several times the size of my apartment to worship a 'somewhat local' folk singer? The weirdest part is that there's a fierce debate over whether it's even feasible to build both - and if it isn't, over which one should go ahead. So now we're actually fighting amongst ourselves about whether we can afford two Joni Mitchell shrines. We're about to pave paradise and put up a bunch of buildings named after Joni Mitchell.

And if we can't even get along with each other, where will our Mitchell fixation lead us next? A pre-emptive strike on Fort Macleod, perhaps, in case they one day decide to lay claim to Mitchell? Will we have to construct a massive Saskatoon berry catapult to rain berry-fire from the heavens if the Albertans decide to build their own statues and Discovery Centres (whatever the hell they are)?

But I digress. To be fair, this could happen to any isolated, friendly little city that can lay any sort of claim, however, tenuous, to a true celebrity. And I'm sure Joni Mitchell is not at celebrity cocktail parties regaling Bob Dylan with creepy stories of a quaint little Canadian city that seems to be oddly over-familiar with her. I'm sure she loves Saskatoon and is proud to have spent a few formative years here. But the next time Joni's walking down a dark LA street, she shouldn't have to whirl around to catch a glimpse of the top of the Bessborough, furtively peeking out at her from behind a lamp post.

So when JunoFest arrives, let's show all the visiting luminaries that we have both decorum and street cred. No screaming, pestering, following or fondling any celebrities, and no suggesting we build them a token Discovery Centre (whatever the hell that is). Instead, if you happen to meet a VIP, suggest they check out the riverbank, a good local band, or one of our top-notch restaurants. And please, whatever you do, don't mention that we once had 'a thing' with Joni Mitchell. Joni went on with her life, and it's time we went on with ours. Like a city of cool little Fonzies, let's just check our hair in the mirror, say, "aaaaayyy," and enjoy JunoFest - because if we do it right, we'll be seeing a lot more of those musical celebs back here in the future.

Craig Silliphant is Planet S Magazine's senior City Music writer, and a fan of Joni Mitchell - just not, you know, in that way.